If You're Reading This
by darkaccalia520
Summary: Crew members, past and present, gather to say goodbye to one of their fallen friends, told from Lucas' POV. Not depressing; there is hope. Post-third season, canon, one-shot. ALTERED TO COMPLY WITH SITE RULES. *COMPLETE*


**A/N: I've had this idea for a while, and although I've tried to suppress it, it won't go away. I know the third season was depressing, but I promise if you read this, you'll find hope. A little background for the story is that it's 2033, post-third season. It will be as canon as I can be and try to come up with logical explanations for what we don't know. Thank you.**

**Inspiration for this, 'If You're Reading This' by Tim McGraw: http (colon) (backslash, backslash) www. youtube. com (backslash) watch?v (equals)k1STL6E0AIk**

**Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.**

**If You're Reading This**

Lucas sat in the corner of the church, watching as people filed in, dressed in black, looking solemn. It wasn't exactly the happiest of days, but funerals never are. He glanced towards the altar, adorned with flowers and lit candles. Behind the altar, light streamed in through the stained-glass windows, which seemed to illuminate the massive cross that hung between them. Lucas had never been particularly religious, but he found the display lovely. He wouldn't have expected anything different.

He shifted his glance towards the casket just in front of the altar, the person inside looking so peaceful, almost as if he were sleeping. It seemed so surreal; it was really difficult to believe his life was over, that he died when it seemed like he had so much to live for. But sometimes, that's what life was-unexpected. And his death was just that. He never guessed it would end this way.

As more people filed in, he turned his attention towards the door. He saw Captain Bridger come in with his wife and grandson. Lucas knew Nathan was no longer a captain; he had retired, but to him, he'd always be 'Captain'. He couldn't bring himself to call him 'Nathan'. The only other name he'd been able to say was 'Dad', but he'd only said it on one or two occasions. And the woman next to him, he'd called 'Mom'. He smiled softly as he watched the small family. He was happy that the captain and the doctor had reunited, rekindled their relationship, and had been married for about six months. After all that time, it was apparent how much they still loved one another, though.

Lucas never got to attend their wedding, and he regretted that. He wanted to very much, but he couldn't get any shore leave. Of course, Nathan and Kristin had told them they understood. But he knew they were sad, especially the doc. She'd lost ten years with him, and he knew she loved him like he was her own. Lucas did get to see them for a week a few months ago, however. He saw pictures of the special day. They'd gotten married on the island; the doc looked so beautiful, he thought. She still looked like she did the first time he'd met her. Oh, she might have an extra wrinkle or two, but other than that, she was the same. It killed him to see her looking so sad. The captain put his arm around her in support, but Lucas felt the need to try to comfort her as well, unable to stand it any longer. He walked over and sat next to them, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Doc; please, don't be sad." Lucas spoke softly and gently.

"I just miss him so much," Kristin cried into Nathan's shoulder.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," Nathan agreed, his own voice quivering.

It was no secret that Lucas' real parents weren't very involved with his life. In the beginning, they'd tried, but as Lucas aged, the efforts dwindled. His mother, Cynthia, had died about five years ago-_cancer_. That was when he was in Hyperion; he never got to say goodbye. According to mutual family friends, he was told she didn't suffer, so that was a relief. But to this day, he couldn't even muster up any tears for her; he didn't feel guilty about that either. Lawrence, his father, died just last year from a heart attack. At least Lucas got to see him before he passed, but not much was said between them. The damage had already been done; there was no relationship anymore. That's why Lucas was so grateful for Kristin and Nathan. Although not done officially, they'd adopted him, welcomed him into their lives with open arms. And he'd accepted. He gave his 'mother's' shoulder one last squeeze and told her he'd see her after the service. He walked towards the back of the church to see who else was coming in.

He saw Ben and Katie enter. That was a surprise. When he'd seen Ben just a year before, he was unsure of whether he'd see him again. Although Ben was doing something admirable, his priorities had changed, so it seemed. He wasn't as selfish as he used to be. That wasn't such a bad thing at all, but Lucas feared Ben might do something stupid and get himself killed. Thankfully, he hadn't. He looked at Katie's face. She'd been crying, and Lucas wanted to go wrap his arms around her too. He always saw both Ben and Katie as older siblings. Oh, sure, he'd had a small crush on Katie so long ago, but after that, he saw her as an older sister. And she was the best he could ever have. After all these years, he was elated to see her again. He wanted to tell her, but it wasn't the right time. He'd tell her later, he decided.

Ben put his arm around Katie. That was a surprise. He wondered if the two of them were a couple again, although he was pretty sure neither of them remarried. He made a mental note to inquire about it after the service. And if they were, he'd be happy for them and wish them the best of luck. He always thought they were perfect for each other. They just couldn't see it in the past.

As Ben and Katie walked into the crowded church, former Chief Crocker entered. Lucas was surprised at how old he looked, but he still had the same kind smile. Lucas thought back to the first tour and laughed softly to himself. Oh, he'd given the chief a few headaches, he was sure. But the chief always respected him, and he'd given it back. . Right behind him came former Chief Shan. He shook Crocker's hand and then headed into the church to find a seat. He watched as the Chief Crocker approached another older man and shook his hand

Lucas was shocked for he hadn't noticed that it was, in fact, former Secretary General Noyce. Lucas didn't want to be rude, but he had no idea the man was still even alive. Captain Bridger never even mentioned him anymore, so he had just assumed. But looking at him now, one could see how much he'd aged. He carried a cane and his back hunched slightly when he walked. He thought he should say something to him, however, since it was because of him that he'd even been allowed on _seaQuest_ in the first place.

He approached the two men carefully and waited patiently.

"I never thought we'd say this day come," Crocker said, the sadness in his voice evident.

"I…I know," the former secretary general replied. "He…he was a good soldier. Somehow, I thought I'd be the one in the casket first, though… I can't help but feel responsible." Then he took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes, which were glistening with fresh tears.

Crocker placed a hand on his shoulder and did his best to comfort him. "You can't blame yourself. This is the risk a soldier takes. He…he knew what could happen. You always hope and pray it doesn't, but when you're in a war, it can't be avoided."

Lucas stepped in. "It isn't your fault. _No one_ blames you. I don't blame you."

The former secretary general nodded sadly, and Crocker took his arm and helped him inside.

Lucas sighed. This day was going to be harder than he thought. He hadn't expected that. He didn't realize how much pain was going to be involved. He felt tears of his own creep up, but he swallowed hard and kept them at bay. He wasn't ready for that yet. There were still more people to see before the service began.

He looked back towards the door to see Lieutenants Tim O'Neill and Heiko Kimura. Lucas was glad to see them looking friendly. Oh, he knew that Tim was still angry about her deceptive tactics, but at least he was able to put that behind them now. He wasn't sure if there was going to be any sort of romance between the two of them, but he was at least glad to see them on speaking terms outside of work.

Behind them entered Commander Jonathan Ford and Lieutenant Lonnie Henderson. Now these two were a couple, and although it was strange at first, Lucas couldn't imagine it any other way now. Lucas always liked the two of them. No, he was never as close with Lonnie as he was with Katie, but she was kind to him, and she never treated him as 'just a kid'. And the commander always treated him like one of the crew, even when he was underage. They both walked up and exchanged embraces and handshakes with Tim and Heiko. Lucas wanted to approach them, tell them that it was going to be all right, tell them not to be sad. But just as he was about to do so, another group of people walked in.

Secretary General Arthur McGath entered followed by other various members of the UEO brass. Truthfully, Lucas only knew one or two of the others by name. He was sure he must have known them at one time, but he couldn't remember anymore. Still, he was impressed that so many of them made an appearance.

Following them came Captain Oliver Hudson. He was part of the reason why Lucas joined the UEO Navy in the first place. In 2032, the world's peace was being threatened by Macronesian rule. Although owned by the UEO, the _seaQuest_ was never a military vessel. It was designed for maintaining peace and for scientific exploration of the oceans. Captain Hudson had argued that this idea was arrogant and dangerous. Although it had been hard for him to accept, Lucas had to agree with the man now. Although they had missed events leading up to the Macronesian conflict, had _seaQuest _been on Earth during Bourne's rise to power, he was sure it would have to become a military vessel. And that's what Hudson had made it when he got hold of it, and he was adamant that no civilians were going to be on _his _boat. So Lucas did what he had to do; it was enlist or leave, and he hadn't been ready for that.

That's when he and Captain Bridger had had words. He'd been angry when he found out that he'd enlisted. He'd said he had never seen Lucas as a career soldier. But Lucas also knew that's not what he'd meant. That wasn't why he'd been angry. He'd been angry and scared that he was going to lose another son. No, the captain still hadn't found his son, Robert, although he now knew he was alive. What happened to him, Lucas didn't know, but he also knew that he would find him again. He was sure of it. Thankfully, he and the captain had sorted out their differences, and they had reestablished a bond, although he always felt there was a slight rift in it now. He hoped that rift would erode over time.

Then, in came Dagwood accompanied by Seaman Tony Piccolo. As soon as they walked in, Dagwood started crying softly. The large GELF was really very kind, sweet, and sensitive. Lucas immediately went over to him and wrapped his arms around him.

"It's okay, Dag, it's okay," he soothed.

Tony looked like he was trying to hold back tears as well. "I…I'm not sure I can do this. It's all my fault."

Tony felt responsible for his death. They were on a supply run in open territory when they encountered a Chaodai subfighter. The problem was they had accidentally ventured into Chaodai territory. They were immediately fired upon, and the launch began to take on water. Tony had done his best to help him, but the launch had taken on water so fast. The oxygen tanks were destroyed, and although Tony did his best to get him back to the_ seaQuest_, it was to no avail. By the time he'd gotten him back, he was gone.

"No, it's not your fault," Lucas told him. "It was nothing anyone could predict, something that just happened. I'm not angry with you; I don't think anyone is."

Dagwood put his arm around Tony. "If he were here, I think he'd forgive you."

"Oh, I know he would," Dr. Perry agreed.

Dagwood, Tony, and Lucas turned to her, and they exchanged small talk.

Lucas was never very close with her, not like he was with the doc or even Dr. Smith, but at that moment, he loved her for the support she was giving Tony. She seemed to know just the right things to say. Feeling like a fifth wheel, he quietly excused himself and headed back into the main area. He was met with a baby's wail, which he instantly recognized. He walked back up to the front of the church where his family was sitting and sat next to Cleo, his wife.

Lucas had met her during the first tour, when he was just sixteen, and they'd found her and her siblings in the abandoned munitions depot. While her brother Tony was ill due to an embolism, he and Cleo had become close. But their romance wasn't meant to be at the time. She and her brothers and sister were taken to New Cape Quest where they were adopted, all of them_, together_. Their new parents were an older couple who never had children of their own. But they'd fostered numerous children, and when they'd heard about the Walkers' case, they knew the odds of having six siblings being adopted into one family was slim to none. And when they'd fostered them, they knew Cleo's wishes, that they stay together. That told them right there they had to do something.

Cleo was able to graduate college with honors. From there, she began working for the UEO science labs in New Cape Quest, which is where she and Lucas had met once again. Lucas had been on shore leave when he bumped into her in a bar. They'd rekindled what they'd lost so many years before. Even in the midst of a war, they'd found love. They'd married not too long after in a civil service. Not long after that, Cleo had gotten pregnant.

As Lucas looked down at the face of his beautiful baby girl, Luna, she cracked a smile, looking into her father's face.

Kristin offered to take the baby from Cleo. "The service will be starting soon. You'll need your strength."

Cleo nodded and dabbed her eyes with a tissue. "I…I never thought we'd have to say goodbye so soon."

Kristin put her free arm around Cleo. "I know, honey, I know. Neither did I."

At that moment, the organist began playing, and the pastor entered. The service had begun. He bowed his head and could hear soft sobs and sniffles around him. He sighed. So much pain; it was really too much for him. He wished there was something more he could do. Finally, it was time for the eulogy. Captain Bridger stood and approached the lectern.

Lucas was eager to hear what he had to say, but he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Lucas, it's time to go," Wendy told him. "We really can't stay here much longer." She motioned towards the others. Miguel Ortiz, Jim Brody, and JJ Fredericks were all standing to her side.

"But…I'm not ready," Lucas protested. "Can I stay just until the end of the service?"

Wendy nodded. "I suppose so." She motioned for the others to walk with her, going back to stand in the back of the church. They'd all been through this part already, all sat through their own memorial services, all tried to comfort their own family and friends through their deaths. Lucas needed the closure just as much as the others did.

Lucas turned his attention back to lectern, and the sight was almost too much for him for the captain had tears streaming down his face. Lucas stood and stepped onto the altar, walked to stand behind him, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No, please, don't cry," Lucas urged, his own voice trembling with emotion. "I hate seeing everyone so sad. Don't you see? Everything happens for a reason. I never wanted to believe that, but after this, I see it now. And it's because of this," he said, motioning towards the casket, "that the war is over."

After his death, President Bourne was assassinated, not by any UEO soldier, but by one of his own. Upon this event, the UEO proposed a peace treaty to which the Macronesians agreed. After that, the territories were reassessed and borders were redrawn. The Chaodai retreated for the time being, although they made no agreements to the treaty.

Somehow, Nathan composed himself and continued, "Lucas and Cleo had come to stay with my wife, Kristin, and I over the summer on our island. He had a week of shore leave, and we were honored to have him spend it with us. We…we always thought of him as the son we never had. In fact, he…he would call me 'Dad' on occasion. I…I wasn't always the best dad I could be though…"

"Yes, you were," Lucas objected. "You were wonderful." But his words couldn't be heard.

"I remember a conversation we'd had…just him and me. We were rebuilding our strained relationship, strained because I wasn't too happy with his choice of joining the navy. And he said to me, "Dad, I want you to have this." He help up an envelope. "I asked him what it was, and he told me, "I hope you never have to read it, but if anything ever happens to me, you read it at my funeral." He took a deep breath. "I…I'd like to read it to you now."

He opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. Lucas spoke right along with him as he began to read.

"To my family and friends, if you're reading this, it looks like I didn't make it after all. They say it's an honor to die for your country, and I hope that I lived up to that honor.

Dad, I know you and I didn't always see eye to eye on my choice, but I don't regret it, not for a moment. Mom, please, don't cry. I'm happy, and I'm free. I'm sure I'm looking down on you now, and I'll always be with you.

And, Cleo, my darling, please know I love you so much. I'm so sorry I was away during Luna's birth, but I know you'll tell her all about me. And, when she gets a little older and she asks where her daddy is, make sure you tell her that when the sun shines on her face, that's me giving her a hug. And, when the wind blows in her hair, that's me blowing her a kiss. Luna, honey, Daddy loves you so much. I'm sorry I won't be there for you the way you'd imagine, and I hope you'll forgive me for it.

And, to all the rest of my family…no, it's not a mistake. I said family, and I meant it, because that's what you all have been to me…family. So, to the rest of my family, please know I'm in a better place. I'm home, and when it's your time, I'll see you again. Until then, please don't be sad."

Nathan folded up the letter and stepped down, going back to sit down. Then, the flag was folded and handed to his widow and the procession out of the church began. It was over.

Lucas watched as everyone left. He felt a presence behind him and he turned.

"Are you all right?" Wendy asked him.

"You never told me how hard it would be to watch them," he told her. "Isn't there something else I can do?"

She wrapped her arm around his own. "Oh, Lucas, I'm sorry. You can try, but I'm not sure they'll notice. But you should know these services are more for the living, not for us. Certainly, you can visit them, try to communicate. But really, the only thing that's going to suppress their sadness is time. Time heals everything, you know the saying."

Lucas nodded. "So, this is it? We have to go?"

Wendy hesitated. "There's still so many people you need to meet," she replied after a moment. "We have orders. Of course, if you need more time, I suppose we-"

Lucas shook his head. "No, it's fine. I mean, I guess I should be happy that so many people came. They say you don't know how much you're loved until you die, don't they?"

"Something like that," Wendy agreed.

"It was my death that brought everyone together again. I never thought I'd see that," Lucas added.

"Me either," Wendy answered. She put her arm around her shoulders. "Don't worry; they're going to be fine."

"I know they will. Somehow, I just know."

**A/N: Okay, please don't shoot me. I know it was kind of a mean trick, but I was afraid that if I told you what was going on, you wouldn't read. And if you've managed to read this far, I hope you enjoyed it and you'll see there is hope even through a death. Thank you.**


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